who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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