okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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