I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do vagina's smell?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
