is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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