I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
