the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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