It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
