Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
