walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish you could order shots online.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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