I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
