She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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