I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
