Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
