good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
