Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just gargled with NyQuil
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
false alarm, still single
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
