you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
