the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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