I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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