she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
