Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
