Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
