I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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