where does the pee come out of this thing
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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