the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
