Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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