I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
