A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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