Do you still have your period?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
