You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
