Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I bet he comes in French.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
