people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
