before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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