I have demons in me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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