You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
