ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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