I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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