babies were throwing up all over the place
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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