This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
