sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
