Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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