i just wanna soil my oats bro
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
