I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
