He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
