Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
