I'm gonna have a badass scar
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
