You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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