I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
