Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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