i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
