So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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