How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
