I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
