i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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