ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
