Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
