Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
