she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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