just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
