just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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