just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
