I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
