Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
