Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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