I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
